I want a baby. Not in that, "I want someone to love me unconditionally" way, but that I want to be a mother. I want to have a human being that I created with my partner, future husband, my love. I want that love to be combined into making a beautiful human being. I want to have a child as give it all the love I have to offer. To partner up with its father and show it the beauty of the world, but make aware of the evil. I want to give it what I never had. I want to show it to my mother and father and see that happiness in them. I want to be a mother because I know that out of everything I will do in life, that will be the highlight. I know I'll be a great mother.
You want to know why I know? Because I have Respect for my vagina. I'm not the girl who sleeps with a guy just because he called me pretty. I've never been that girl that you'll see at the club or bar or to "experience." That may seem naive of me, but it's never really been a need that I've felt. I've always found love, and that was most important. I know that I wouldn't be fit right now financially to be the mother I imagine I can be. I work in a call center and have an associates degree in general studies. That amounts to nothing. I realize that I need to take care of myself before considering taking care of another human being.
I just know that it's coming soon. That in the near future, once everything is planned out (or nearly there), I'll be a mother. I seriously cannot wait.
Showing posts with label happy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label happy. Show all posts
Wednesday, March 27, 2013
Tuesday, July 24, 2012
I Understand.
For all of you before me, I understand.
Why you left, I understand.
For the ones who said he was immature, I understand.
For the ones who couldn't tolerate his family, I understand.
For the ones who cheated because you weren't happy, I understand.
For the ones who lied, I understand.
For the arguments, the excommunication, for the negative comments, I understand.
But just because I understand doesn't mean I'll do the same.
I'm here now.
His "immaturity" is a child like nature that I love and laugh at.
His family is close and tight, and when they love you, you'll never second guess it.
Infidelity is never a solution to unhappiness. We've been through hard times and I didn't know where we stood, and had the opportunity, but he was more important.
Lying only builds a deeper hole and only hurts in the end. All of our secrets are shared.
Arguments with him are endless until you give up, he's so stubborn. But after my time with him, there are hardly any arguments, no negative words, and I never excommunicate the one who has given me so much love all for one fight.
My patience has proved me worthy and long lasting. I have invested my whole heart in someone I've known from the start would treat it with care, knowing the delicacy of such a fragile thing. I've become part of a loving family who hasn't welcomed me with open arms, but has enough faith to forgive me and for that I'll be forever grateful. Through both of our pain, we have found something so much greater than what we expected.
So for all of those before me, I'm sorry for your loss. Because I've found the love of my life.
Why you left, I understand.
For the ones who said he was immature, I understand.
For the ones who couldn't tolerate his family, I understand.
For the ones who cheated because you weren't happy, I understand.
For the ones who lied, I understand.
For the arguments, the excommunication, for the negative comments, I understand.
But just because I understand doesn't mean I'll do the same.
I'm here now.
His "immaturity" is a child like nature that I love and laugh at.
His family is close and tight, and when they love you, you'll never second guess it.
Infidelity is never a solution to unhappiness. We've been through hard times and I didn't know where we stood, and had the opportunity, but he was more important.
Lying only builds a deeper hole and only hurts in the end. All of our secrets are shared.
Arguments with him are endless until you give up, he's so stubborn. But after my time with him, there are hardly any arguments, no negative words, and I never excommunicate the one who has given me so much love all for one fight.
My patience has proved me worthy and long lasting. I have invested my whole heart in someone I've known from the start would treat it with care, knowing the delicacy of such a fragile thing. I've become part of a loving family who hasn't welcomed me with open arms, but has enough faith to forgive me and for that I'll be forever grateful. Through both of our pain, we have found something so much greater than what we expected.
So for all of those before me, I'm sorry for your loss. Because I've found the love of my life.
Saturday, July 21, 2012
update!
So an update!!
1. I have just recently started my new job on Monday and I have to say, I think I'm gonna like it. It's a call center, but it pays pretty good for my area. It's not as big as my two past jobs; about only 100 or so employees. The only thing I hate about it is that I have to cover (or attempt to cover) my tattoos, mainly the one on my arm. I'm going for a half sleeve on each arm and have already started on my left arm. In southern Virginia when it reaches 90+ degree weather, it's way too hot to be covering up tattoos with a cardigan. UGH. Also, the dress code is kind of hard to follow when you've been unemployed for 6+ months and living off a pretty slim paycheck. I have plenty of pairs of high heels, but sometimes they just don't work for a few outfits. Flip flops aren't allowed unless they're the Jesus sandals on the back because regular ones are "safety hazards". Umm...right. Also, no jeans. I have plenty of dresses, but I have to wear leggings with them, and I'm not quite sure if that meets "business casual" or not. And I have absolutely NO dress pants or flats to wear. So, what I do is wear my black yoga pants. They're fairly new, but the way I layer my clothes you can't see the fold over part on the pants revealing the yoga. I haven't had anybody complain so I'm thinking it'll work til I get some money to buy said dress pants and flats.
2. I have horrible credit and need to fill out a student loan for the rest of my tuition for Averett University. I plan on doing this tomorrow, only the loan will be about $11,000 to $12,000. I really hope I get it without having a cosigner.
3. I'm also going to be tracking my weight loss on here and posting pictures whenever possible. :) So this may not just be about being in a shit town with no job, but keep in mind, according to my income I'm still pretty freaking poor.
So those are the updates. I'm going to try and write a bit to spew my thoughts. I'm working on something tonight in my head but haven't quite figured out the wording. I shall post it soon though.
1. I have just recently started my new job on Monday and I have to say, I think I'm gonna like it. It's a call center, but it pays pretty good for my area. It's not as big as my two past jobs; about only 100 or so employees. The only thing I hate about it is that I have to cover (or attempt to cover) my tattoos, mainly the one on my arm. I'm going for a half sleeve on each arm and have already started on my left arm. In southern Virginia when it reaches 90+ degree weather, it's way too hot to be covering up tattoos with a cardigan. UGH. Also, the dress code is kind of hard to follow when you've been unemployed for 6+ months and living off a pretty slim paycheck. I have plenty of pairs of high heels, but sometimes they just don't work for a few outfits. Flip flops aren't allowed unless they're the Jesus sandals on the back because regular ones are "safety hazards". Umm...right. Also, no jeans. I have plenty of dresses, but I have to wear leggings with them, and I'm not quite sure if that meets "business casual" or not. And I have absolutely NO dress pants or flats to wear. So, what I do is wear my black yoga pants. They're fairly new, but the way I layer my clothes you can't see the fold over part on the pants revealing the yoga. I haven't had anybody complain so I'm thinking it'll work til I get some money to buy said dress pants and flats.
2. I have horrible credit and need to fill out a student loan for the rest of my tuition for Averett University. I plan on doing this tomorrow, only the loan will be about $11,000 to $12,000. I really hope I get it without having a cosigner.
3. I'm also going to be tracking my weight loss on here and posting pictures whenever possible. :) So this may not just be about being in a shit town with no job, but keep in mind, according to my income I'm still pretty freaking poor.
So those are the updates. I'm going to try and write a bit to spew my thoughts. I'm working on something tonight in my head but haven't quite figured out the wording. I shall post it soon though.
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