Eat Stop Eat

Ok, so I'm gonna start a new diet thing tomorrow. I've been counting calories and exercising for the past year and a half and all I've managed to lose is 8 pounds. Most of my weight is in my belly, making jeans hard to fit right and shopping a dreadful thing. Basically with this diet you eat regularly with your favorite snack foods such as ice cream, etc, in moderation. But the trick is that you fast for 24 hours every other day or so. Since this is actually really close to the way I are when I was skinny, I think it may work. I'm still going to continue to exercise and eat healthy, just taking a little break from food. I'll come back in about a week to post results, if any. :)


Update: it's now December 8th and I've lost about 5 more pounds. :) It's actually easier than what I thought and even if you cheat a little, you still lose weight. The only thing I have struggled with is finding a time to start to make it easier. Either way, I've kept it up mostly. Hoping more progress comes.

Firsts.

In the beginning, I thought you were mine. Adolescents in love.
You were my first everything. We were so young.
As we got older, grew up together, taught each other many things, you were confused.
You lied for years, hiding who you were.
You told me the half truth, but I expected more from you.
And as we went on, my fears grew deeper, my suspicions more clear.
And it seemed everyone knew but me.
You lied through your teeth, promising impossible things. Did you ever think as to how I felt?
So many people! You were unfaithful, so many knew. Not a one told me the truth, saved me the embarrassment.
I treated you with respect, love, kindness.
You betrayed me, scarred me. Now I fear that those after you will now do the same in his own way.
I've forgiven you, put it aside in my heart, because that's not you.
You're the boy with freckles who made me feel pretty so long ago.
I've seen you struggle, hurt, nearly perish.
There's a place reserved for you in my heart. There always will be, because we can never forget the person who loved us first.
You've opened my eyes, helped me grow up, embrace who I am.
After all my hurt, betrayal, anger, and fear, I have one thing left to say:
I'm proud of you, of how far you've come and the person you are.

I Understand.

For all of you before me, I understand.
Why you left, I understand.
For the ones who said he was immature, I understand.
For the ones who couldn't tolerate his family, I understand.
For the ones who cheated because you weren't happy, I understand.
For the ones who lied, I understand.
For the arguments, the excommunication, for the negative comments, I understand.
But just because I understand doesn't mean I'll do the same.
I'm here now.
His "immaturity" is a child like nature that I love and laugh at.
His family is close and tight, and when they love you, you'll never second guess it.
Infidelity is never a solution to unhappiness. We've been through hard times and I didn't know where we stood, and had the opportunity, but he was more important.
Lying only builds a deeper hole and only hurts in the end. All of our secrets are shared.
Arguments with him are endless until you give up, he's so stubborn. But after my time with him, there are hardly any arguments, no negative words, and I never excommunicate the one who has given me so much love all for one fight.
My patience has proved me worthy and long lasting. I have invested my whole heart in someone I've known from the start would treat it with care, knowing the delicacy of such a fragile thing. I've become part of a loving family who hasn't welcomed me with open arms, but has enough faith to forgive me and for that I'll be forever grateful. Through both of our pain, we have found something so much greater than what we expected.
So for all of those before me, I'm sorry for your loss. Because I've found the love of my life.

Aurora, Colorado

My thoughts are with all of those who were involved in the shooting in Aurora. Also, I'm glad that my two cousins are safe. My cousin Philip lives in Aurora and luckily he works all night and wasn't at the premiere. My other cousin Angie moved back here a little over a year ago from Denver and would have went to that premiere given that it was right down the road 

from her previous apartment. 

On a related but other note, what is with everyone saying that the media is taking it easy on this James Holmes guy? Memes out there saying that if he were a Muslim he would have been considered a terrorist. If he were black he would have been called a thug. Complaints out there that they should be giving him a hard time and not talking about his PhD. 

Number one: can't people just stop being so SELFISH and realize that twelve people were killed and over seventy wounded. OVER SEVENTY FUCKING PEOPLE. One of the victims a six year old girl. So fuck your racist card and fuck your religious profiling. So many people died and many more seriously wounded and their lives will never be the same. Turn your focus on the well being of the victims, not the guy who did it and what fucking race he was and what religion he belonged to.

Number two: the media has talked about his PhD because he was smart. It took some meticulous planning to do what he did. However, that's not the main subject and they aren't taking it easy on him. Today I was listening to talk radio and they called him a "disgusting, sick piece of garbage". Sounds pretty harsh to me. He IS a terrorist, that was his intention. 

update!

So an update!!
1. I have just recently started my new job on Monday and I have to say, I think I'm gonna like it. It's a call center, but it pays pretty good for my area. It's not as big as my two past jobs; about only 100 or so employees. The only thing I hate about it is that I have to cover (or attempt to cover) my tattoos, mainly the one on my arm. I'm going for a half sleeve on each arm and have already started on my left arm. In southern Virginia when it reaches 90+ degree weather, it's way too hot to be covering up tattoos with a cardigan. UGH. Also, the dress code is kind of hard to follow when you've been unemployed for 6+ months and living off a pretty slim paycheck. I have plenty of pairs of high heels, but sometimes they just don't work for a few outfits. Flip flops aren't allowed unless they're the Jesus sandals on the back because regular ones are "safety hazards". Umm...right. Also, no jeans. I have plenty of dresses, but I have to wear leggings with them, and I'm not quite sure if that meets "business casual" or not. And I have absolutely NO dress pants or flats to wear. So, what I do is wear my black yoga pants. They're fairly new, but the way I layer my clothes you can't see the fold over part on the pants revealing the yoga. I haven't had anybody complain so I'm thinking it'll work til I get some money to buy said dress pants and flats.

2. I have horrible credit and need to fill out a student loan for the rest of my tuition for Averett University. I plan on doing this tomorrow, only the loan will be about $11,000 to $12,000. I really hope I get it without having a cosigner.

3. I'm also going to be tracking my weight loss on here and posting pictures whenever possible. :) So this may not just be about being in a shit town with no job, but keep in mind, according to my income I'm still pretty freaking poor.

So those are the updates. I'm going to try and write a bit to spew my thoughts. I'm working on something tonight in my head but haven't quite figured out the wording. I shall post it soon though.

Being Poor and Eating Healthy

Like many people in the United States, I am one of the millions trying to lose weight. This has been something that I've struggled with throughout the past 4 years, since I graduated from high school. When you have a job and a good amount of money coming in every month, it's easy to eat healthy and unhealthy, whichever one may choose. When you don't have a job and living on unemployment, it's easier to eat from the dollar menu. I don't really have many tips on eating healthy while being unemployed but just look out for bargains and choose wisely. For example, instead of getting 2 apple pies for a dollar at McDonald's, get the fruit and yogurt parfait. Being unemployed, there's plenty of free time so instead of watching the all day marathon of Ancient Aliens on the History Channel, get out and walk for an hour, enjoy the view, take a few pictures to throw up on Instagram to make yourself look cool, and you'll be surprised at how many calories you'll burn. There's also plenty of fitness apps that you can use, but my favorite is myfitnesspal. Water is also your best friend, and it's less expensive from the tap than buying a two liter Diet Coke.


But then again, you could be one of those people who could eat pizza all day, everyday and not gain a single pound. In that case, fuck you, I envy you. And don't give me that crap about how it's not easy being the skinny kid either. I'm in a REALLY bad mood today and this entire post just went downhill talking about weight loss. It's the hardest thing I've ever tried, I say "tried" because I've yet to accomplish it. This makes me sad. :(

Appointments.

So on Saturday I visited my parents and I still receive some of my mail there. In my little pile was a letter from the unemployment office. On January 31st there was a workshop I was supposed to attend, and being that my little sister had surgery that day and I had a funeral to attend the next day, it slipped my mind. The little piece of paper told me that since I didn't show up to the pointless little workshop, my unemployment was terminated. So right now, I have no money. I'm trying to straighten things out with the unemployment office, but they barely know what they're doing. Hopefully they'll call me back. Hopefully I'll start getting paid again. Hopefully I'll have landed a job by the end of February so this clusterfuck will be pointless in the end. Luckily I have a loving family and boyfriend who are willing to help me financially until I'm on my feet once again.
Money is so stressful. I try to do yoga to relieve tension. Oatmeal has been my go to food. It's cheap and good for you...I ate three bowls one day because I couldn't afford anything else.
So yes, stick to appointments that are assigned to you. Otherwise you'll lose money and have to borrow $500 from your mother.

On a nice note...I like babies. Here's my nephew, Gabriel. I took this picture last night at bath time, the best time. :)